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Balkan households have, out of necessity at one time, and in more recent years out of simple familiarity or practicality, had two or more generations living under the same roof. How did so many generations get along in such a close space for so long? There may be lots to learn from them, especially in today’s society…

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Like a good majority of people of my generation living in a Western country, I have had to share a space, physically or otherwise, with older generations. That includes having to deal with the differences in opinion or preference in almost every aspect of life that different generations have.

While still normal to see in Europe a household with multiple generations living together, here in Canada that is something that is rarely seen, in comparison to how commonplace it was 15 or more years ago. For immigrant families that moved years ago and hold onto a culturally influenced mindset from a different period of time than newly immigrated families, who have lived through changes in their country that also influence the way people think, there is a strong family bond as well as a strong respect for parents and older generations. This definitely played a role in how interactions where different opinions were involved; it was a matter of older generations having more sway in which direction to go.

Looking back at this from the perspective of a parent now, this isn’t necessarily a bad thing!

Even at a young age, I had very different opinions from others in my family and there were definitely moments where it came to a point of which opinion would take priority. I wasn’t the most confrontational person and instead let others have their own opinion take the lead. Regardless of this, I still held strongly onto my own opinions, with little change over the years.

Being patient and letting others voice their opinion without confronting them about it didn’t necessarily mean that there was no opportunity for me to voice my opinion. I simply waited for other opportunities where there was less chance for a confrontation, where others would be more open to listening to what I am saying. That lesson is still practical and useful for me today, as there have been many changes in society in general that have made everyone feel that they have to express their opinion strongly without giving an inch of space for other opinions to be heard, not to mention considered.

Learning to go around a difference of opinion instead of confronting it straight-forward may not be the ultimate solution for everyone and every situation, although it’s an effective, guaranteed way to keep friend or family connections while still being true to yourself.

In terms of relationships in families who still adhere to their cultural and religious traditions, living in a country where society is disconnected from everything that family is used to and still practices daily, this is a way to still keep good relations.

A side-effect of sorts of approaching these sorts of situations is that it allows you to broaden your world-view by being able to take in and reflect on opinions other than your own. Even if you still don’t agree with these opinions, it’s never a bad thing to open yourself to considering something from another person’s point of view; there is a lot of opportunity for learning and personal growth that is lost unnecessarily by refusing to hear other opinions entirely, or by being confrontational.

Keep note; humility and empathy are definitely needed in abundance for this to work.

If your first reaction is that it’s irrelevant to you what other people think, take time to think about the idea again and give it a try.

In my experience of applying this same sort of indirect resolution of difference of opinion, I’ve come to realize that there is always something that you can about others that you wouldn’t otherwise get a chance to. Normally I ask myself or think about these questions to get a better understanding:

– What is their reasoning behind this opinion?

– What life experience could have caused this opinion to form?

– What emotions do they attach to this opinion?

– What could their expectation be from holding and/or expressing this opinion?

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I 100% agree that sometimes it gets difficult to manage an interaction where opinions are so connected with emotions, although maybe all that is really needed is just taking a break from it and thinking things over with some good old 3-in-one instant coffee…